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A casual relationship (also referred to as a friend with benefits, or cut friend) is a term used to describe the physical and emotional relationship between two unmarried people who engage in uncommitted sex acts. A casual relationship is the opposite of a long term relationship. The intent is generally to relieve sexual frustrations through an alternative to masturbation, and is not intended as a romantic relationship. Both parties are free to date and engage in sex acts with other persons. This type of a relationship effectively gives the people involved an outlet for their sexual urges without the potential stress and time-demands of a committed relationship. Two people may elect to become friends with benefits because they are unwilling to commit to a full-fledged relationship or long term relationship for whatever reason.
Popularised in recent years by the US sitcom Sex and the City, this sort of relationship is commonly portrayed as a relatively new phenomenon, but it is not clear as to whether this "newness" applied to the term "friends with benefits" was actually predated by similar yet more secretive arrangements and phrases. These relationships are associated with younger people (early teenagers), and are often seen as a way to enjoy the benefits of sexual activities without the emotional strings of a romantic relationship.
According to many teens, these relationships have been going on for some time, and it is estimated that at least 32% of people over 13 have had such an experience. While providing a sexual outlet for some people, the practice is still socially associated with negative connotations. In teenage relationships, the predominant activity is not traditional intercourse sex, but rather oral sex. Many teenagers believe that this reduces the risks associated with sexual promiscuity such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Some medical authorities such as Bonnie Halpern-Felsher, a professor of pediatrics at the University of California at San Francisco, suggests that teenagers do not view oral sex as "real sex" and use it to remain in a state of technical virginity. [1]
This arrangement is particularly common among young professionals, who put a lot of their free time into their work and therefore don't have time for a "proper" boyfriend or girlfriend. Some argue that it also allows people who have excellent sexual chemistry to enjoy each other, even if they don't click on other levels.
The phrase "friends with benefits" was popularized in the mid-1990s by the Alanis Morissette song "Head Over Feet."
Criticisms
Many people can be critical of the nature of these relationships, alleging that it is impossible to engage in sexual behaviours without any kind of emotions at all. However, the practitioners may often feel this is somewhat of a non-issue, taking the viewpoint that the physical "relationship" alone is fine, and that if something grows out of it, so be it. However, a major cause for the breakdown of casual relationships is when one party starts to develop a romantic attachment to the other. In some instances where both parties start to feel this way, a more traditional relationship may develop. However, when these feelings are unrequited, it could lead to jealousy, feelings of betrayal or feelings of being used.
It is claimed by some that it is the male who is most often harmed in this kind of relationship. Being a "friend with benefits" is sometimes an option given to the male in a steady relationship after being broken up with. Many times people who love each other will choose this route because current circumstances prohibit a steady relationship. This kind of situation often leads to strenghtened bonds and stable relationships after those circumstances pass. Relationships that have sprouted from "friends with benefits" relationships are most of the time more sexually open and stable in their foundations.
Some people think that these sort of relationships are commonly male-dominated and oriented, with the female existing mostly as a sex-object for the male's gratification. However it seems that the female is often the one who initiates the relationship in the first place. This calls into question whether the females are using sex to gain the illusion of affection, avoid loneliness, or perhaps as a stress release. This theory also fails to take into account that many bisexual or lesbian women will participate in these sorts of relationships with each other; hence, these relationships can happen with no male participation at all. Many women also say that they enjoy casual sex just like men, not having to "mean" anything more about it. Probably, traditional cultural or religious "values" for women and men also come in as factors here.
See also
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